Marriage and Couple Counselling
Marriages and relationships matter because they are the basis of how we come to understand who we are. Loving and being loved by someone is vital to our well-being because it makes us feel connected to others and safe. It is our secure base from which we can explore the world, knowing that we can return to our safe haven.
As a result, when relationships are fraught, much of our security (which we take for granted most of the time) is threatened, so in our most difficult rows we are usually responding to our own fears and anxieties instead of trying to resolve the problem. I usually compare the amount of time spent at work investing in a career with the amount of time a couple invest in nurturing and growing their relationship. Most relationships that flounder usually have little or no investment from the people involved in them… so it’s not surprising that it is in some trouble.
Trying to solve problems on your own can be difficult for the following reasons:
- We are often too close to them emotionally.
- We enter a disagreement believing our point of view is right – however, they can often be wrong.
Of course, this all seems obvious – however trying to work this out whilst having a row is really hard, so making the choice to have a therapist listen to you gives you both a chance to talk and feel heard. Most importantly perhaps it can really make a difference by helping you negotiate the ‘hotspots’ in your difficult discussions.
Who is this for?
Couples/Individuals: heterosexual, gay or lesbian relationships, friendships, work colleagues, parents and adult children, siblings…..
Every relationship goes through problems from time to time. It is seldom a specific issue that causes a break-up between couples. In my experience, it is more often the way problems are discussed and managed that determine a relationship’s longevity. People who learn that it is not what they say that matters, but how they say it that counts: how well they listen, their tone of voice and their respect for another’s point of view are all factors that either facilitate or erode relationships. My approach is often about challenging unhelpful ideas and habits, and helping people develop better communication strategies and relationship dynamics. This often involves working on:
- communication styles/difficulties
- conflict and anger issues
- identifying stress and anxiety triggers
- ending relationships
- our expectations of others, whether that is a partner, friend or colleague.
which may have developed as a result of:
- the effects of mental health problems
- domestic violence, which includes emotional violence
- the birth/death of a child
- an affair
- a bereavement
- the acquisition or loss of a job
- financial difficulties
- or on-going disagreements….
Equilibrium
Def: ‘a calm state of mind: his intensity could unsettle his equilibrium.
