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What has happened to my mojo?

It’s very unusual never to experience any sort of difficulty in terms of sexual arousal or performance – everybody has moments when they’re too tired or stressed, for example, but continuing sexual dysfunction can become a problem for some couples and, if so, it’s best to seek help rather than simply ignore the predicament.

If sexual desire is affected by erectile dysfunction, vaginal dryness, premature ejaculation or low libido, certain medications and underlying physical or mental health conditions can be the cause. The first step to take is to see a GP to determine whether there is a problem that a doctor can deal with. Remember, for example, that after childbirth hormones will be disrupted and a new mother may suffer from extreme tiredness.

When someone is experiencing a loss of sexual desire this can become very frustrating, both for the individual and also for their partner, who may resent the fact that sexual activity has declined or disappeared from the relationship. Understanding how the other person experiences sex is key – normally men can become aroused faster than women, so allowing sufficient time for foreplay is important for a mutually satisfying sexual experience.

When a couple have been together for some time, and particularly when they regard each other as great friends, sex can become routine and boring. To keep sexual activity in a long-standing relationship fresh it’s useful to take the trouble to create a sensual mood, have regular hugs, kisses and cuddles and generally work at making sex a priority by talking together about preferences and feelings.

If sex becomes problematic, take the time to seek help via sex therapy. This is usually a short-term counselling service of between five and 20 sessions during which a psychotherapist will actively work through any sexual concerns with an individual or couple, and is known to be very effective.

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Counselling & Relationship Counsellors
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Nottingham Office The Magnolia Centre 354 Mansfield Road Nottingham NG5 2EF
London Office 34 Oxberry Avenue London SW6 5SS


Michele McCulley is an accredited member of the BACP

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